only memories left

I can’t listen to the head and the heart without thinking of you

 temple square will always remind me of you

I will always remember that grey sweatshirt you would wear

And the way you would run your fingers through your hair

I try to forget you but I just can’t, almost everything I see or think will always remind me of you

I don’t know what’s harder talking to you or ignoring you

Yesterday you complimented my earrings

I said thank you in confusion because I thought you were over me

And I know you are, but why would you compliment me.. that just made me ache for you more

I just want you back

I cry thinking about what we used to be, and what we will never be

I didn’t think it would be this hard loosing you

I’ll never forget the first time you held my hand

&the last
all my 11:11 wishes will go towards you

Now that you’re gone I guess you’re just a memory

But I don’t want memories I want you

being human

being human  is

having a mom with multiple health disorders when most the time its you taking care of her than her taking care of you

is bleeding when you fall down

wanting someone so bad that your heart aches but you just cant have them

feeling pain
 sometimes i hate it but i guess its better to feel pain than feeling nothing at all



crying
over
over
&over again

forgeting after being told to not forget

trying your heardest and failing

craving food, fall, and ex's

being
       human
                 is
                    feeling
                   somtimes being a human sucks 

best feelings

getting in bed after a long day

sitting by the fire after going sledding

warm baths

eating something after being really hungry

waking up feeling fully rested

not having any homework

work free days

when you remember the name of a song you were trying to remember

waking up Christmas morning

making people laugh

falling asleep to the sound of rain

laughing till your stomach hurts

being wanted

compliments from strangers

feeling confident

dancing in the rain

take off

naps

seeing the first snowfall of winter

watching leafs change color

taking off your pants after a long day

getting something in the mail

wrapping up in a blanket

the feeling in your stomach when your really excited

back rubs

the year of first lasts

dear high school, 

to be honest ive never really liked you ive always wished you away 

i cant really tell you why

maybe because most the people im around dont make me happy 

maybe because i dont really like football games

 i can never do a well on a test, even if ive studied

 now that your almost gone i dont want you to leave

i really dont want to leave parents 

i cant leave where ive lived for the past 12 years

i cant leave my life long best friend, without her im not me

i cant do my own laundry

i dont want to start over

i hate saying goodbye 

i hate starting over 

im not big enough for college, i still need my mom to tuck me into bed

this year is the last year i can come home everyday to my parents 

the last year i can be a kid, and do whatever i want

the last year before i go into the real world
the last year i can drive up the canyon everyday in the fall after school
they last year to have teachers that really care about me

so many lasts im not ready for

so highschool please dont leave im not ready for you to end

94 days

i have 94 days left of being considered a child

why do i  feel like my childhood is already gone?

maybe because writting in crayons doesnt look professional 

 my crayons got taken away, my imagination and creativity were taken with them

 they were replaced with #2 pencils ACT scores and responsibility

maybe if the ACT was filled with crayons i would get a 36 for creativity and imagination instead of a 21 for my intelliegence



with the 94 days i have left 

im going to do my homework in crayon

jump on the tramp till it feels like my legs are going to fall off 
and my lungs are on fire

swing on the swings till i get high in enough that ill shoot into 
the sky

eat ice cream till my stomach hurts and not worry about the calories

draw what i want to draw and think that its best artwork my mom has ever seen

because im not ready to grow up yet

soul

The  girl - city and colour 

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N -Noah and the whale 

With or with out you- U2

Hey there Delilah- plain white tees 

Stubborn love- the lumineers 

Let's be still - the head and the heart 

Love love love- Avalanche city 

Carry on- fun 

Iris- goo goo dolls 

Black ballon- goo goo dolls 

Boston- backing traxx 

When I'm with you- ben rector 

Beautiful- ben rector 

More than life -Whitley 

I still haven't found what I'm looking for- U2

I can't make you love me- Bon iver 

Chasing cars- snow patrol 

3AM- matchbox 20

All this time- one republic 

nostalgic for you

You made me happy

You made me sad

You had me nostalgic for a love that hadn’t even happened

You made me feel almost any emotion there is

The only one I didn’t feel with you

Was love, I thought I did

But it wasn’t anything close

You never even got the courage to tell me you liked me

Your friends had to tell me

Or you never told me or that I was beautiful.  

But somehow I still miss you I still wish I was with you

I miss you like teenagers miss their childhoods wishing you were still here and never leaving

Because with you life was easier

The flowers were prettier

I actually looked forward to school

Everything was beautiful

But then you left and everything turned grey and my life had no color

Without you I’m just a blank coloring book waiting for someone to color me and make me beautiful

Covers

You see the kid dressed in all black

With his hood pulled down covering his face

The jock in the snapback

The girl in the neff beanie

The boy in the fedora  

Maybe hats tell us who we are

Or they help us hide ourselves because we are all a little scared to show who we really are.

So what if we all took off our hats?

Maybe if the kid dressed in all black took off his hood he would 

have the brightest smile you have ever seen

The jock would have the softest heart

And maybe the girl in the beanie wouldn’t be the hipster you thought she was

So lets all take off our hats and show who we really are.

Because I like when people are real