unforgotten memories

I remember sitting under my willow tree on a forest green table

 when life was simpler and happiness was easier to find,

      

 I remember the day when I met my best friend.

We were wearing the same shirt

I remember the smell of the hotel we stayed at in Florida

& the taste of the Pina colada in Jamaica

                                                          

 I remember the rush that I felt the first time we held hands

    & the heaviness i felt from that last text you sent

And I'll always remember you because no one forgets there first love

Blackout

This is who I really am...

I’d rather spend my Friday nights with my family, then at a high school football game

My mom and sisters are my best friends

I love card and board games

I listen to 80s music and Taylor swift  

I like the snow even after Christmas

And I love tradition

I have a want to always be outside doing something adventurous

I want to travel the world and see every part of it

I want to be an elementary school teacher

And I love little kids more than most people

Cooking a baking are my passion, and I’ve always been scared to show it

And I’m sorry because I’m one of those fake people you hate

I’m just scared to show who I really am

I’m weird

I’m not popular incredibly smart or talented

I get angry easily, I have OCD, and get stressed over stupid simple things

I don’t have a way with words

I have a hard time saying what’s on my mind and expressing my feelings

I’m incredibly awkward and can’t seem to have any conversation but simple talk.

But these things, they make me who I am

They make me…

Andie Longson

Music for the heart

Music ignites my soul with fire when I've forgotten how to feel

it speaks words my heart cant say

it shows me what its like to be in love, even though I've never been

its my guide to survival

it fills me with bliss when i'm bleak 

and soothes my soul when its raging 

music is the beat of my heart, the thunder in my head, the words that I've left unsaid, with out it id be dead.

Missing heart

My heart used to be full of joy, hope, and perfect endings 

But now it seems to be getting smaller slowly breaking off piece by piece..
by disappointment 

Should of beens 

& every thought of you.

Now all that seems to be left is my soul asking me where my heart has gone. 

And all I can say is it's been broken too many times I've lost all the pieces to it. 

a survival guide for life

now i know you might think that this is going to tell you how to live and be healthy so you can survive and live as long as possible.  But i'm not, i'm going to tell you how to survive life, loneliness heartache heartbreak and depression. 

step 1- find music that makes you happy, not music that's on the radio not music that your friends like. Music that YOU like. 

step 2- find your comfort food and eat it . ( like pizza, cookie dough, ice cream, chocolate milk, sponge bob mac and cheese ) because you're gonna need it a lot

step 3- make a Netflix account and watch Friends, One tree hill, and How I met your mother 

step 4- repeat step 3 and add step 2

step 5- find someone that makes you happy (pets and stuffed animals work) and talk to them 

step 6- go for a run, even if you hate running just run as fast as you can so you can feel your heart beat and your lungs burn, that way you can remember you are alive

step 7- BREATHE

step 8- look up sloth gifs, they will make you laugh

step 9- remember you are strong, and your life isn't as bad as you sometimes think

repeat 

Beating heart

Being alive is my heart beating in my chest so fast that it hurts 

Being alive is dancing in the rain feeling the rain drop on my skin running slowly and my body shivering fast 

Being alive is the moment right before I held hands with a boy for the first time. That feeling of my heart beating out of my chest 

Maybe  all we need to feel alive is to make our heart pump a little faster so we can feel it. Because sometimes we forget it's there.

brick wall

an enormous wall stacked up high

 with cold hard bricks divides me

 from who i really am, from who i want to be

I’ve tried knocking it down

I’ve tried climbing over it

but it seems to tall, to strong

and every day it gets higher and stronger

 and

       im

          just

               too

                     small.

love?

so heres the thing.

the thing about love

its a feeling? A feeling 

thats suppossed to take your breath 

Away.                                                             

leaves you smiling 

laughing 

crying 

and its supposed to make everything.

all the tears

the mistakes

the hopes being crushed so hard

that you can feel your self sinking 

the emotions like looking through 

a magnifying glass

easier. 

but when it doesnt?

every.little.thing.is.

that 

much 

Bigger

that much harder.

its supposed to make everything 

worth it 

but thats the thing

the thing about love

it doesnt feel worth it.
and i dont even know what love is, ive never felt it

only memories left

I can’t listen to the head and the heart without thinking of you

 temple square will always remind me of you

I will always remember that grey sweatshirt you would wear

And the way you would run your fingers through your hair

I try to forget you but I just can’t, almost everything I see or think will always remind me of you

I don’t know what’s harder talking to you or ignoring you

Yesterday you complimented my earrings

I said thank you in confusion because I thought you were over me

And I know you are, but why would you compliment me.. that just made me ache for you more

I just want you back

I cry thinking about what we used to be, and what we will never be

I didn’t think it would be this hard loosing you

I’ll never forget the first time you held my hand

&the last
all my 11:11 wishes will go towards you

Now that you’re gone I guess you’re just a memory

But I don’t want memories I want you

being human

being human  is

having a mom with multiple health disorders when most the time its you taking care of her than her taking care of you

is bleeding when you fall down

wanting someone so bad that your heart aches but you just cant have them

feeling pain
 sometimes i hate it but i guess its better to feel pain than feeling nothing at all



crying
over
over
&over again

forgeting after being told to not forget

trying your heardest and failing

craving food, fall, and ex's

being
       human
                 is
                    feeling
                   somtimes being a human sucks 

best feelings

getting in bed after a long day

sitting by the fire after going sledding

warm baths

eating something after being really hungry

waking up feeling fully rested

not having any homework

work free days

when you remember the name of a song you were trying to remember

waking up Christmas morning

making people laugh

falling asleep to the sound of rain

laughing till your stomach hurts

being wanted

compliments from strangers

feeling confident

dancing in the rain

take off

naps

seeing the first snowfall of winter

watching leafs change color

taking off your pants after a long day

getting something in the mail

wrapping up in a blanket

the feeling in your stomach when your really excited

back rubs

the year of first lasts

dear high school, 

to be honest ive never really liked you ive always wished you away 

i cant really tell you why

maybe because most the people im around dont make me happy 

maybe because i dont really like football games

 i can never do a well on a test, even if ive studied

 now that your almost gone i dont want you to leave

i really dont want to leave parents 

i cant leave where ive lived for the past 12 years

i cant leave my life long best friend, without her im not me

i cant do my own laundry

i dont want to start over

i hate saying goodbye 

i hate starting over 

im not big enough for college, i still need my mom to tuck me into bed

this year is the last year i can come home everyday to my parents 

the last year i can be a kid, and do whatever i want

the last year before i go into the real world
the last year i can drive up the canyon everyday in the fall after school
they last year to have teachers that really care about me

so many lasts im not ready for

so highschool please dont leave im not ready for you to end

94 days

i have 94 days left of being considered a child

why do i  feel like my childhood is already gone?

maybe because writting in crayons doesnt look professional 

 my crayons got taken away, my imagination and creativity were taken with them

 they were replaced with #2 pencils ACT scores and responsibility

maybe if the ACT was filled with crayons i would get a 36 for creativity and imagination instead of a 21 for my intelliegence



with the 94 days i have left 

im going to do my homework in crayon

jump on the tramp till it feels like my legs are going to fall off 
and my lungs are on fire

swing on the swings till i get high in enough that ill shoot into 
the sky

eat ice cream till my stomach hurts and not worry about the calories

draw what i want to draw and think that its best artwork my mom has ever seen

because im not ready to grow up yet

soul

The  girl - city and colour 

L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N -Noah and the whale 

With or with out you- U2

Hey there Delilah- plain white tees 

Stubborn love- the lumineers 

Let's be still - the head and the heart 

Love love love- Avalanche city 

Carry on- fun 

Iris- goo goo dolls 

Black ballon- goo goo dolls 

Boston- backing traxx 

When I'm with you- ben rector 

Beautiful- ben rector 

More than life -Whitley 

I still haven't found what I'm looking for- U2

I can't make you love me- Bon iver 

Chasing cars- snow patrol 

3AM- matchbox 20

All this time- one republic 

nostalgic for you

You made me happy

You made me sad

You had me nostalgic for a love that hadn’t even happened

You made me feel almost any emotion there is

The only one I didn’t feel with you

Was love, I thought I did

But it wasn’t anything close

You never even got the courage to tell me you liked me

Your friends had to tell me

Or you never told me or that I was beautiful.  

But somehow I still miss you I still wish I was with you

I miss you like teenagers miss their childhoods wishing you were still here and never leaving

Because with you life was easier

The flowers were prettier

I actually looked forward to school

Everything was beautiful

But then you left and everything turned grey and my life had no color

Without you I’m just a blank coloring book waiting for someone to color me and make me beautiful

Covers

You see the kid dressed in all black

With his hood pulled down covering his face

The jock in the snapback

The girl in the neff beanie

The boy in the fedora  

Maybe hats tell us who we are

Or they help us hide ourselves because we are all a little scared to show who we really are.

So what if we all took off our hats?

Maybe if the kid dressed in all black took off his hood he would 

have the brightest smile you have ever seen

The jock would have the softest heart

And maybe the girl in the beanie wouldn’t be the hipster you thought she was

So lets all take off our hats and show who we really are.

Because I like when people are real

Misplaced

I've always hated the first week of school, 

not just because it's the end of summer 

But that's when the projects come and the questions are asked, 

Who are you?

What do you like? 

What makes you happy? 

And my least favorite..just be yourself 

How can I be someone I don't know? 

I don't know the answers because somewhere along the way who i was, 

Was misplaced 

So this notorious senior year, im going to find myself 

I'm going to find what makes me happy 

And what doesn't 

What I like 

What I don't 

Who I am

And once I find that 

I will be that no matter what anyone else thinks. 

Because this life was for me. 

I'm going to live for me