Thoughts

This morning my sister asked me why I was so sad all the time and I couldn't answer with out crying  because I seem to ask myself  the same question

Right now I'm thinking about how I spent most of my weekends in senior year in my basement than I did out with friends

Right now I'm dreaming about being back in New York exploring new bakeries

Right now I'm thinking about how I've lost who I used to be and I don't know how to find myself again

I'm writing ting this in my basement hiding from my dad because I'm not supposed to use my phone on Sunday's #rebel

Right now I'm trying to decide what outfit I should wear for my senior pictures tomorrow

Right now I'm thinking about if I'll ever get my first kiss

Right now I'm thinking about how I'm probably not going to pass the AP psychology test and it's the easiest one

Right now I'm thinking about how much I love my grandma and how deeply she cares for me

Unforgettable memories

I remember when I was little my mom used to be able to run only when she was pushing a shopping cart but now she can't seem to walk unless she has somthing to hold on to, I remember when I used to be able to come home to count on her to make me laugh. My mom was diagnosed with MS, and scoliosis 19 years ago, then with major depression and anxiety 5 years later. this has been my life me constantly worrying about her hoping that she will be okay wondering if she will be able to walk around the grocery store by her self . Sometimes I sacrifice my weekend plans to make sure that she is happy and doing okay. My biggest fear is moving out because I'm scared that no one will be able to take good care of her and make her happy. This isnt something a teenage girl should be worrying about, but this is my life and this is my story and this is helped me become who I am.

One day

Maybe my souls all right, but my body's all wrong
Or maybe it's the other way around
Maybe neither is really all right.

My body is so tired of my soul caring so much about what is looks like
Maybe my soul is sick of listening to my body it just wants to run free
Maybe my soul would of been to the stars and back if my body didn't stop it
Maybe my soul has always been too much of a dreamer for my body
Maybe one day it will all be all right
Maybe one day my body will be good enough for my soul

A list of things to be happy about

Inspired by Barbara Ann Kipfer (author of 1400 things to be happy about)
Waking up to the sounds of birds chirping
Things that come easy
Having someone to miss
Shaped Mac and cheese
Little kids at swimming pools
Palm trees
Going out to breakfast
Laying out in the sun
Smell of grandmas apple crisp
Hot tub conversations
Perfectly sharpend pencil
New places
Boys dressed up in a dark blue suit with a skinny tie
Soft blankets
Three day weekends
When the song you want comes on in Spotify
Easter candy
Playing cards with my grandparents
The smell of bakeries
When someone can't stop telling you how beautiful you are
Simple beautiful things
Letting the water from a hot shower run down your face
Watching rain storms on the porch wrapped up in a blanket
Plastic water bottles
Sound of rain hitting the window
Road trips & road trip snacks
Spring
Green smoothies
Long weekend vacations
When a teacher shares a story from their passed life
Not listening to a song in forever but still knowing the lyrics
Making breakfast
Delivering cookies
Brooklyn Jensen
Old Justin believer music
Being content with being yourself
Sleeping in
Doing things for yourself
Cats in monkey suits
Remembering the power of your voice
Snowy pine trees
Snow shoeing
The moon and the stars
Little kids getting excited to see you
Hand written notes
Planning vacations
The love my grandma has for everyone
Chirping crickets
People who are wierd and don't care
High school dances
New people
That feeling after a good workout
Summer barbecues
Singing in the shower
Packing for trips
Advice from others
Gentleman
BYU basketball
Getting in the Jumbotron
Milkshakes
Car dance parties
Being able to remember your dream when you wake up
Ice cold water
Cookie ice cream sandwiches
Finding somthing after it's been lost
Dressing up fancy
Hotel breakfasts
Reece's peanut butter eggs
His smile
Weddings
Couples perfectly meant to be together
Catching the bouquet at a wedding
Kind genuine people
Airports
McDonalds breakfast
Tavel journals
Sunsets on the beach
Old people trying to figure out Instrgam
Zip lines
Being unable to understand people because they speak a different language
Souvenir shops
Food from other cultures
Ice cream bars
Bakeries
Laughing at your own jokes
Jellyfish
Taco bars with swings
Tanning
The phrase " pura vida"
Brother in laws
Mud fights
Graduations
Spontaneous people
Star gazing in the back of a truck
Deep talks
Girls camp
Paige Smalley
New school clothes
The last day of school
Thinking of the future
Nelson
Lake Powell
Old music
My mom
Lying in the grass on a cool summer night
Smiling
Laziness
Home videos
Fresh fruit
Camping
Early mornings
The end of good thing meaning the begging of better

Project #2 - Homemade French Macaroons

For my second project i decided to make French Macaroons (one of the hardest cookies to make), here is the process! they turned out so great!

Step 1- assembling all the ingredients 

Step 2- beating the egg whites until stiff 

Step 3- folding in the dry ingredients and food coloring 

Step 4- piping the batter out on to cookie sheets 

Step 5- out of the oven and cooling

Step 6- fill with almond butter cream

look at how perfect they turned out, it makes my heart so happy!

song mash-ups

I want to fall in love

i'd  like to believe in love
but I've never felt what its like
i'd imagine love to be sleepless nights lying in bed  because you don't need to dream anymore
its forehead kisses & 4 hour calls talking about nothing
i
its laughing together
crying together
being together
never wanting to leave that person
and knowing everything about them
love is the person that you want to tell the good news to

its wanting to be better

its knowing someone more than you know yourself



love is picnics and cookie dough fights
love is dancing in the kitchen
its tight hugs and surprise bouquets of your favorite flowers

and finally realizing what its like to care for someone more that you care for yourself

love is what makes life worth living.

sofar sounds- Rise Up

Project #1- Combined poem with Paige

 My name is Andrea and if you really knew me you would know that I absolutely hate it 

I was born on the sixth.

And you would know that I'm a little bit awkward and can't keep a conversation going 

                                                                       

and I'm often found in my room        

  
You would know why I get emotional when talk about my mom  

   I've never been fond of growing up

and I'm afraid that everyone will leave.                                            

 If you really knew me than you would  know that I haven't had my first kiss yet

I work at Hobby Lobby

and I'm terrible at goodbyes.

 you would know that I still haven't been able get over that same boy that didn't even treat me right  

I cry too often to be taken seriously

I've never been in love

but have somehow fallen out of it more than once.

                                                                                                       

                                   I'm self-conscious of my weight and really good at comparisons.

                                            I'm too obsessed my weight and I know that's not healthy 

 If you really knew me you would know that I'm too scared to be myself 

I love the smell of rain

and the way the sky seems to be painted just for me

that I'm a girl with a big smile and  big heart but a small self esteem

I love to drive with my arm out the window

and I sing at the top of lungs

 but only when I'm alone.                                                            

                                                                                                                       

 and im a sucker for boys with nice smiles and blonde hair

I'm often unsure of what to do

and I wish I wouldn't let people hurt me in the way they do

If you really knew me you would know that I I'm still trying to find the "fun" part of high school, but some how don't want it to end 

My lungs rarely fill to capacity

and I run out of breath far too often.

 if you really knew me you would know that i  hate feet & im really bad at making decisions

                                                      Hi.  my name is Andie/ Paige                                                                                            

  im a lover of cheese & the outdoors

I love the sound of my grandmother's voice. 

I have a dream to own a bakery

She's still trying to find who she is

She hates the sound of ticking clocks 

Sometimes we don't see each other enough. 

 Sometimes I forget she's there

But she was the first one I called when he kissed me. 

  And whenever I need her she's there for me 

So we'll grow up

                                                                                                   

  And live apart 

                                                                                      

                                                                                                       

                                               But she will Always be part of me, 

                                my name is Andie/ Paige and I was born on the 6th/19th

Revive

Hi my name is Andie, you might know me as June. 

I like the simple things in life like Sunday nights with family and dancing in my car 

I've never really been good at school because most the time I don't really care 

 maybe because I think there are more important things in life like finding things that really make you happy & baking cakes 

I feel too much and don't express my feelings enough 

 I can't remember the last time I was happy with my friends but I'm to scared to try and make new ones because I'm bad at making conversation

I'm in love with the outdoors and I wish I could spend all my time outside 

I'm a thinker and but not much of a talker 

I'm horrible at dancing but I still love it 

I'm in love with the sky because it's the only thing that understands my heart 

Hi my name is Andie it's nice to meet you

Paris syndrome

i went to Paris for the smell of the pastries and bread.. but I could only smell smoke and urine

i went to Paris to fall in love with a nice French man.. but i only got yelled at by French men

i went to Paris to see the Eiffel tower light up at night and to see all the amazing art.. but they never turned on the lights and the art looked the same as it did on Google

but believe me the Eiffel tower was beautiful and the pastries were amazing, but Paris just wasn’t what i was expecting it to be. But somehow i still fell in love...

it was the way the streets were lit up at night

and how everyone wasn’t afraid to express there feelings

it made me believe in love even though I’ve never felt it

it was like a piece of artwork that came to life

Paris wasn’t what i expected, and it had some disappointments but that’s what made me fall in love.

alright, here it is

My name is actually Andrea and if you really knew me you would know that I absolutely hate it 

 And you would know that I'm a little bit awkward and can't keep a conversation going 

You would know why I get emotional when I talk about my mom  

If you really knew me than you would know that I haven't had my first kiss yet, and I'm still afraid of talking to boys 

you would know that I still haven't been able to get over that same boy that didn't even treat me right  

If you really knew me you would know That I'm too obsessed with my weight and my body size,  I know how many calories are in almost every food.. And I know That's not healthy 

If you really knew me you would know that I'm too scared to be myself 

that I'm a girl with a big smile and a big heart but a small self esteem

          and im a sucker for boys with nice smiles and blonde hair

If you really knew me you would know that I I'm still trying to find the "fun" part of high school, but some how don't want it to end  because it haunts me that  I have to take care of myself 

         if you really knew me you would know that i hate feet & im really bad at making decisions

          

         you would know that im a lover of cheese & the outdoors

         you would know that i have a dream to have my own bakery

         if you really knew me you would know that im still trying to find who i am

        you would know that i can get really angry & impaitent 

       and baths and classical music are the only things that clam me down

  

      if you really knew me you would know that im really wierd and im okay with it. 

      if you really knew me than you would know that there is more to me than just a girl with a good         smile.